5 Coping Strategies for loving someone experiencing depression

August 16, 2010 by Robin Mohilner
 

Suffering with depression is incredibly difficult and painful.  However, the second most painful and difficult position is experienced by the person trying to love their partner, child, parent or best friend experiencing depression.

The rejection is heart-breaking. Feeling like your presence (doing anything in your ability to help) makes your partner worse or doesn’t matter at all really hurts.

In this blog we will explore strategies that will support you during the difficult times caused by depression.

Strategy #1: Do not take it personally

Nothing that is expressed or takes place during your loved one’s depression is personal.

When they reject you, and they will, IT IS NOT PERSONAL.

Rejection has nothing to do with you. Isolation is an instinctive response to suffering and depression.

Rejection can also be seen as an act of protection.  Your loved one does not want to hurt you. The only thing depression can do is hurt you.  Everything that is said is a reflection of the depression – the fear, the anxiety, the panic and the pain.  It’s a very heavy load, if you take it personally, the load will become yours.

When someone is experiencing depression they experience the inability to be themselves and it feels permanent.  When they can’t be themselves with you (ie. be loving with you) it hurts them more and makes the depression feel worse.

People often share with me that their loved one experiencing depression is able to talk with casual friends and acquaintances and that those people are helpful and it hurts.

My response to that is that partners, parents, children and best friends are different from casual friends, colleagues and acquaintances.  Partners etc get to actually see the depression.

Casual friends, colleagues and acquaintances get to see your loved one’s “representative”.  They get to see your loved one pretend to not be depressed.  They get to distract your loved one.  If your loved one does talk with them about their feelings, they’re not dragging them through the mud the way they do with you. Instead, they give their friends the “I’m struggling, but look how well I’m handling it” story.

Casual friends don’t know that when you’re loved one gets home that they can’t get off the couch and wish they were dead. Of course your loved one feels better when they get to pretend that they are okay.

Strategy #2: Accept that you cannot make your loved one be “not depressed” or feel good

This is a really hard thing for anyone to accept. Depression hurts not only the one experiencing it, but it also hurts the people who love them the most. Here is a metaphor that I share that has helped people develop acceptance of this statement:

When we come into life we are all given two things: a shovel and a bucket of shit.

It doesn’t matter in life that we have a bucket of shit.  We all have it.  We always will.  It never goes away and no matter what you do the shit will always be there.

What matters is what we do with our shovel.

Some will use their shovel to take their own shit and put it in other people’s buckets.  They never actually can get rid of their shit, they simply make other people feel like crap.

Some will use their shovel to stick in other people’s shit and then put other people’s shit in their own bucket.

Others will first use their shovel to cover their bucket from giving others shit and receiving other people’s shit and then figure out what they can grow with the shit that they have.

If you stick your shovel in your loved one’s shit who is experiencing depression, it doesn’t make the depression go away. It just puts the depression in your own bucket and adds to your shit.

You cannot make flowers grow in a bucket of shit that is not your own.

Instead of “making it better” take the pressure off yourself to fix it by: 

Simply being with the person you love.

Sitting beside them.

Holding their hand.

Rubbing their head and their feet.

Validating their feelings.  What they are experiencing is horrible.

Reminding them that what they are experiencing is temporary.

This won’t make the depression go away, but it will help them get through the suffering.

Strategy #3: Perspective: Depression is in a relationship with the person you love, not the person you love

Your loved one is not depressed.  Depression is NOT who they are.  Your loved one is experiencing depression.

They are in a relationship with depression that has them captured or held hostage.  Its a bad relationship.  A relationship that isn’t easy to get out of.  However, depression affects them and when they have the strength they can affect depression.

It can help your loved one to hear that you know that this is not who they are and that you love them.  It is also important for your loved one to know that you love them even though they are not themselves.

Of course they won’t respond the way you want them to…with love, affection and appreciation. However, deep down beneath all of the numbness, pain, anxiety, fear etc…your loved one is still there and need to be loved.

Strategy #4: Interpreting Rejection

When your loved one is in a depression rejecting you and pushing you away as best they can.  They’re not saying, “I need you and want more of you.” It would be easy to allow their rejection to cause you to dive into a depression yourself and feel heart-broken.

Here’s an alternative interpretation to their rejection:

“I need to be alone.”

Interpretation: “I need to escape this by sleeping as much as possible. I can’t escape it as easily if you’re here talking with me about it. Why don’t you go do something you need to do for yourself.”

“I’d rather be with my friends [than you].”

Interpretation: “When I’m with my friends, it distracts me from how horrible I feel.  My friends don’t ask me how I’m feeling. They don’t ask me if anything is wrong. If they see something is wrong, they wait until I share.  If I don’t share, they don’t ask…they just keep talking about themselves.”

“I don’t know if I want our relationship.”

Interpretation: If your relationship was in good standing when your loved when went into the depression…”I’m not myself. I don’t like who I am being. This is not who I want to be. I don’t want to treat you this way. This feels permanent.  If this is how I will always treat you. I don’t want to be with you.”

“You don’t make me feel better.”

Interpretation: “You can’t make me feel better even though you really try to. When I am with you, I still feel so depressed because I don’t get to pretend to be okay when I’m with you. When I’m with you I’m stuck feeling whatever I feel and there is nothing you can do to make me feel better.”

Strategy #5: Your Own Self-Care

When your loved one is experiencing depression, it is not your responsibility to make them feel better. You can’t. It is your responsibility to take care of yourself.

It is incredibly difficult to not be sucked in by the depression of your loved one because of how much you care.  It is your responsibility to not be sucked in.  It is your responsibility to take care of yourself.

Think about what soothes you, brings you joy, and nurtures you.

Here are some areas of self-care to explore:

Exercise / Movement

Being in nature / Being outside

Attitude of gratitude and appreciation

Forgiveness

Connection with others

Being Creative / Artistic

Self-Expression / Journaling

Therapy

Games / Playing

Cooking / Eating healthy

Conscious breathing

Meditation / Guided meditation / Yoga

Depression is incredibly hard on everyone involved.  When you are loving someone with depression it is so important that you make the time to love yourself, to nurture yourself, and receive support in a way that is fulfilling to you.

From

Thrive With Bipolar Disorder
- Ideas, information & stories for people affected by bipolar disorder

Article Link :

http://thrivewithbipolardisorder.wordpress.com/2010/08/16/5-coping-strategies-for-loving-someone-experiencing-depression/

Bipolar spouse

What does research tell us about the bipolar spouse?

Is it possible to have a happy and healthy relationship if you have, or ARE, a bipolar spouse or significant other?

The picture that comes out of the studies done to date is very mixed. What is particularly striking is the difficulty in separating cause and effect. Is it the chicken or the egg?

For example, we know that bipolar disorder erodes the quality or ALL interpersonal relationships, and marriage is no exception.

Perhaps for many of us the intuitive thing is to assume that a person with bipolar disorder will have poorer interpersonal skills and be harder to get along with than a "regular" person.

How many of us look at it the other way around?

What I mean is, have you ever considered that marital problems may be a trigger for mood episodes, and it is stress somewhere in the relationship that is making the bipolar spouse worse?

Overall, my guess is that the former applies. However, there is still some room for a complex interplay between marital tensions that arise from the behavior of the bipolar spouse during a mood episode, and possible increasing and/or triggering of episodes of mania and/or depression because the bipolar spouse is so vulnerable to any problems that arise in the marriage.

It is easy for a couple to fall into a downward spiral where the spouse with bipolar disorder behaves in ways both highly provocative and highly reactive. This leads to conflict with their partner, whose negative responses to this "bipolar behavior" makes the bipolar spouse more stressed and insecure, in turn triggering even more episodes of mania and/or depression.

Reminder 

Bipolar spouses can be trapped in a cycle of "acting crazy" and knowing it, creating stress that just triggers more mania and/or depression.

There is also sometimes an infectious, contagious type of quality to bipolar disorder when one spouse is afflicted.

The non-bipolar partner, and the marriage itself, takes on a "bipolar life of its own" as the non-bipolar spouse see-saws between solicitous and extreme care-giving during their bipolar husband's or wife's depressive episodes, and feelings of blame, resentment, anger and betrayal when their spouse is in the manic phase of bipolar disorder.

Thus the relationship can be very turbulent and uncertain. It is common for spouses of people with bipolar disorder to understand and be extremely, even overly, solicitous in response to depression in their partner, but to have more difficulty in seeing manic episodes as part of the illness.

 Manic behavior is more likely to be perceived as malicious and deliberate, especially after the partner with bipolar disorder has been stable for a while and acting in a more loving, consistent, and predictable manner.

Being in a committed relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder is a tremendous challenge.

A huge proportion of the emails and messages I receive are from people who need information and support for relationship issues that arise out of one (or both) partner's bipolar disorder.

The best resources I know of are:

1. Bipolar Significant Others (BPSO) website.

2. "When Someone You Love Is Bipolar", by Cynthia Last.

For me, as a person with bipolar disorder, maintaining a healthy and happy relationship involves committing to a Treatment Contract with my spouse, and sharing a lot of information such as my mood charts, having a transparent medication regime, visiting my psychiatrist together and so forth.

 

Bipolar divorce

It will come as no surprise to learn that bipolar divorce rates are high. The statistics vary according to the source, but most experts quote rates two or three times higher than the national average.

A common - but staggering - statistic that gets bandied about is that 90% of marriages involving at least one bipolar spouse will end in divorce.

Why is this figure so high? During episodes of mania, someone with bipolar disorder is likely to do things that are particularly destructive. Examples include:

1. Outbursts of anger.

2. Reckless spending or gambling.

3. Substance abuse.

4. Compulsive and obsessive behavior or grandiose schemes that alienate their husband or wife.

5. Staying up late, being undependable in their job, around the house, in their co-parenting and so on, all of which are far more destructive and disruptive than they may realize.

6. Sexual obsession, including hypersexuality, preoccupation with inappropriate or uncharacteristic sexual activity, and infidelity.

What are the consequences of bipolar divorce?

For the spouse who is NOT bipolar, the consequences of divorce are pretty much the same as for anybody else:

1. They may get on with life and be happier and healthier, either as single people or as part of a new couple.

2. They may regret the break-up of the marriage and wish they had sought counseling and other solutions.

3. They may reconcile with their ex-spouse.

4. They may repeat the pattern and end up with another spouse who has a mood disorder or other mental health problem.

The secret to a happy and healthy marriage with a bipolar spouse is simple - an accurate diagnosis and compliance with an effective treatment plan.

For the bipolar spouse, the divorce may lead to a number of difficulties that compound their mental, emotional, physical, and financial difficulties.

As Goodwin & Jamison point out in the most authoritative textbook on bipolar disorder, "Manic-Depressive Illness: Bipolar Disorders and Recurrent Depression", many studies show that living alone or being single often leads people to stop taking their medication and complying with their treatment plans in general.

Divorce is often a prelude to "downward drift" where the person with bipolar disorder seeks and receives less treatment, suffers more frequent and more serious mood swings, encounters problems with employment, the legal system, and life in general, and experiences deteriorating finances and physical health. 

Bipolar marriage

Does this mean a bipolar marriage is doomed?

Absolutely not!

In fact, research has shown that there is little or no difference between the state of the marriages where one spouse has bipolar disorder but is in remission, and other married couples in general.

Further, both groups had similar perceptions of significant events during the course of their marriages. They shared the same feelings about their courtship, first year of marriage, and the degree to which the marriage had met expectations.

In other words, marriage to a person with bipolar disorder who is in treatment and not experiencing any episodes is pretty much the same as being married to a "well" person. 

Spouses with bipolar disorder

Spouses with bipolar disorder are likely to have a different impression of their marriage than their husband or wife.

For example, a married person with bipolar disorder is often not aware of the full impact their disorder has on their partner, children, or other family members.

A 2001 study by Dore and Romans found significant others reported serious difficulties in their relationships with the bipolar partner when s/he was unwell, with considerable impact on their own employment, finances, legal matters, co-parenting and other social relationships.

Violence was a particular worry for partners when their spouse was manic. However, in spite of all this, many people stay emotionally committed to their bipolar spouse and are very patient and forgiving of problem behaviors.

This study has one serious limitation in that it included only committed spouses - not those who have divorced the bipolar sufferer. (And as the divorce statistics show, there are a great many of these.)

What is being presented here is a conflicting and contradictory portrait of the bipolar spouse:

On the one hand we are see the huge divorce rate, on the other we have research showing marriage to someone with bipolar disorder is pretty typical of marriage in general.

The difference lies in getting treatment so that mood swings and episodes are greatly reduced in both frequency and intensity.

Once the bipolar spouse is stable, it is possible for both partners to gain insight into bipolar disorder and its impact on both partners - both as individuals and on their marriage.

From

http://www.bipolar-lives.com/

Article Link:

http://www.bipolar-lives.com/bipolar-spouse.html

At a young age, Bonnie Rice married her husband, Troy, only after a week of knowing each other.

What at first she thought were the waves of love engulfing her, she learned was mania, and set out on a long path of caring for and loving a man with the complicated disorder of bipolar. 

Bonnie wrote a book about her experience, Love Has Its Ups and Downs, “a manual for living with a husband or wife who has bipolar disorder.”

Bonnie took time out of her busy life to answer some questions from Healthline, as well as offering important tips for those who love someone with bipolar disorder. 

Your story is a truly fascinating one. If you could, please explain how you met your husband, the short courting period, and what your marriage has been like for the last 26 years.

I was at technical training school for the United States Air Force and one Friday evening I went with a group of friends to the Airmen’s Club, a bar on base for enlisted members. My roommate was joking that she just got engaged to a guy back home to try to get one of the guys jealous, and when they were out dancing, a guy at the table suggested that we tell everyone that we were getting married—a guy I’d never met before. I went along with the joke and everybody knew we were kidding, but the next day we went for a walk and got to talking. We went out together on Monday and bought rings and on the next Friday we went to a Justice of the Peace and got married. I don’t recommend a one-week engagement to anyone, but we were in love and we’ve been together—for better and often for worse—for 26 years.

I didn’t know what mania was in those days—we were in love and that seemed normal. It wasn’t. Our first year together was difficult. I got pregnant and was having a few mood swings, but Troy’s mood swings were always more pronounced than mine—and he wasn’t carrying a baby.

I had been through domestic violence counseling and recognized a cycling pattern of violence, but the cycling violence I saw with Troy’s bipolar was different because Troy honestly didn’t approve of his own behavior and actively sought out education and counseling to correct it. Typical abusers just don’t act that way. Although he had undiagnosed bipolar, Troy did get into an anger management class and we discussed the coping techniques he was learning and worked out ways for both of us to feel safe and get our point across without violence or verbal abuse. The violence stopped there and it was nearly 8 years before he started treatment for bipolar. Violence can be part of the mood swings but even if it is, it doesn’t have to be. Poor impulse control makes violence more common, but it can be controlled if the person is determined to control it and has coping skills to do it. The diagnosis was a mixed blessing. While we had a name for what was going on and could get real treatment for it, a serious mental illness is not something anyone expects to be dealing with. You don’t just take a couple pills and feel better—it took about two years of trial and error to find a combination of medications that work well and don’t cause major side effects. We know that even on optimal medication, some stressor could still trigger an episode and we’d be starting over. That’s stressful for both of us. Still, Troy was the one who sought out treatment and he has been completely compliant with his therapy. Many with this disorder live in denial, fight the diagnosis, refuse treatment because of stigma or side effects, and continue to get worse until they have to be hospitalized. We were lucky. 

What advice do you have for someone who has just begun seeing someone who has bipolar disorder? What important information should they know right away?

One thing I would tell someone is that bipolar isn’t a deal-breaker, but it is a serious issue. You can have a great relationship with someone who has bipolar, but things that most people can take for granted, you have to talk about and agree on. If you can communicate and work as a team, bipolar can make the relationship stronger—because you are forced to talk out things that other couples ignore—like finances (manic spending), affection (hyper-sexuality or lack of interest with certain medications) and health habits that might trigger episodes (alcohol, tobacco, exercise, diet).

In your book, Love Has Its Ups and Downs, you use the analogy of putting your oxygen mask on first to help a significant other of someone with bipolar disorder. What are some ways a caregiver can take care of his or herself when dealing with someone with bipolar disorder? What are some examples of boundaries you and your husband share?

The first thing a caregiver can do to “put on the oxygen mask” is to recognize that whatever happens really isn’t about the healthy partner. It can take therapy to really understand that the things a person in an episode says or does are not a reflection on you—it’s the disorder talking. Just take a deep breath and maybe write down those cruel words. Give it some time and when you are calm, come back and think rationally about whether any of it is really true—sure you’ve been hit with some real weaknesses, but usually the exaggeration is obvious when you get out of the heat of the moment. That doesn’t sound like something practical to do, but it puts a whole new perspective on things and helps you to detach from a lot of the garbage that can drag you down and lets you recognize your own responsibilities and rights in the relationship. You are not responsible for your partner’s behavior, but you are responsible for your own. You have the right to be treated as a partner and not as an object.

When I recognize that I have rights, I can’t take them for granted like many couples do (and even healthy couples could benefit by not taking so much for granted, but I digress) and I have to set up boundaries to protect myself. My boundaries have been as simple as “I will not argue with an irrational person”, so when I hear irrational arguments, we have agreed that I can stop the argument and come back to discuss it later when we are calm. Honestly, this came from the anger management class—where we learned that as arguments get going, they get less and less rational and more prone to violence, so stopping the discussion and rescheduling it is really the best option. This isn’t as easy as it sounds, especially at first, because it’s hard to pull back in the heat of the argument, but it absolutely works and once you’ve done it a couple times, it gets much easier because you can see that it works. I’ve had to say, “look, I’m not thinking too clearly just now and I’d like to talk about this later,” keeping the “blame” on me to keep from switching the argument to a “you think I’m crazy” argument that goes nowhere. Being the designated sane person has its downside, but it does get easier with practice.

During the mania, there is also a chance for a person with bipolar disorder to become promiscuous or hypersexual, but that isn’t a guarantee the person will.

How important is that a caregiver be involved in his or her spouses’ treatment?

It is almost mandatory that a caregiver be involved with the treatment of bipolar disorder. People who have bipolar are notoriously poor reporters and have limited ability to assist in their own treatment. Bipolar is known to be a cognitive, as well as a mood disorder and patients who are expected to report on their progress over the past month or the past three months may not remember where they were at the last appointment. If they are going into or coming out of an episode, their mood at the appointment may be very different from the rest of the time. If they are feeling “great” at the moment, the doctor won’t hear that they were talking about suicide last week or that they missed the last three days of prescribed medication unless there is another person who can describe the behavior. Not only is the patient more likely to get the right medication with the added input, but the partner can also ask questions and learn to watch for signs of side effects or mood swings that might warrant calling the doctor between appointments.

How did your four children help during the years?

Our four sons gave us added motivation to make things work. It’s amazing how pulling together to raise children can force you to think outside of your own immediate desires. We actually had a sort of support group together where we all knew that if their father was irrational, that we could talk about it and work out ways to deal. We developed a sort of “reality check” that helped us all keep track of where “rational” ended and “irrational” started by being open and talking about what we heard or saw. I wanted the boys to know that if their father behaved inappropriately that they could always talk to me about it. It was never a big family secret so it didn’t have any special power. 

What are some good ways a caregiver can take a break from the relationship without jeopardizing it?

Taking a break or getting some breathing room can be complicated with an unstable partner, but actually finding ways to get some breathing space may be the best way to save the relationship. If you are constantly arguing and there is a threat of violence, physical separation (going to another room, to visit friends, or to a motel) may keep either of you from doing something that will be impossible to undo. Simple things like going out for coffee with a friend or family member, taking a class related to a hobby you enjoy, or taking a walk can be nice, non-threatening escapes from too much drama. So can a long hot bath or a good book. It is important to understand that getting this kind of space has little to do with the bipolar and is actually quite normal in most relationships. If you keep the attitude that this is all very normal, you lose a lot of the “blaming” mentality. 

Where did you find most of your support?

I found most of my support in an online discussion support list. These have many advantages including the fact that you are communicating with people who actually believe you and who have experienced the stuff you are going through. Your partner’s family may be in denial, your family may just want you to walk away and never look back, friends may not believe you, and nobody will have the objectivity to give you good advice. Local support groups may be available in larger cities, but you may not be ready to meet support group members in person. I’ve heard that NAMI has a great family-to-family class, but again, only in the larger cities.

Are there any really important lessons you’d like to add?

There are a lot of bad behaviors that are associated with bipolar disorder. Most of these are the result of the delusion of being “above the law” and poor impulse control. While mental illness may explain the behavior, it does not excuse the behavior. Setting up firm boundaries can actually help a person stay motivated to control dangerous impulses. Your boundaries might be protecting your partner more than you realize, so you shouldn’t feel bad about setting and maintaining them. 

All of us here at Healthline would like to say thanks for your time and best wishes with everything in your future.

From

http://www.healthline.com/health/bipolar-disorder

Article link:

http://www.healthline.com/health/bipolar-disorder/guide-marriage-true-story

Being Married to a Person with Depression or Bipolar: 6 Survival Tips

By Therese J. Borchard

Associate Editor

 

 

Some sobering statistics: Depression has a much greater impact on marital life than rheumatoid arthritis or cardiac disease. Ninety percent of marriages where one person is bipolar ends in divorce. Persons diagnosed with bipolar disorder have three times the rate of divorce as the general public, which is about 50 percent.

This is all to communicate this message: marriages in which one person suffers from depression or bipolar disorder can be extremely fragile.

I know, because I’m in one.

Here are six tips that have helped us and other couples I know defy the statistics. 

1. Cut Through the Crap

If you are married to someone who is in denial, you have quite a job ahead of you. “I’m not crazy.” “There is nothing wrong with me.” “I am not taking meds.” These statements do little to move your marriage into the happy zone. In her book, “When Someone You Love Is Bipolar,” psychologist Cynthia Last, Ph.D. dedicates a chapter to the subject of denial and what you can do. She suggests giving your partner a book that he can relate to and providing literature on the topic.

You could also try a scientific approach and provide some evidence in the form of feedback from his friends and family, a list of compelling symptoms (embarrassing photos are great), or a rundown of the disorder in his family. He could balk at that, and tell you that you dress like his mother for even implying such things; however, you’ve done your job to try to educate, and that’s really all you can do.

2. Find the Right Doctor

I consider shopping for the right doctor much like buying your first house. Many components need to go into the decision — it’s not enough to like the bathroom tiles and the bedroom closet — and some bickering is to be expected. If you rush the decision, you might wind up living in a house that you hate for a long time except for the great bathroom tiles. Good doctors save marriages. Bad doctors destroy them. Good doctors help you get better. Bad doctors worsen your condition.

If your partner is bipolar, this is especially important because the average patient with bipolar disorder takes approximately 10 years to get a proper diagnosis. About 56 percent are first diagnosed with unipolar depression. I know this topic well. I went through seven doctors and a ton of diagnoses before I found the right fit. She saved my life and my marriage.

3. Enter into a Triangle Relationship

In any other situation, I hate threesomes. Someone always gets left out and people play dirty — at least they do at my daughter’s play dates. But for marriages that involve illnesses such as depression or bipolar, a triangle relationship with a doctor or mental health professional is essential. It keeps your partner honest, or at least required to unfudge the truth. He reports:“ Feeling perfect. Meds really kicking in. All is going better than it ever has.” Then wifey comes in and spills the beans. “He has been curled up on the couch in tears for the last two weeks, not taking calls from any friends and skipping important meetings at work.”

The triangle relationship also allows you some education about his condition. For example, you might not be aware of what a hypomanic episode looks like until you hear the doctor describe it. In some cases a mutual understanding of symptoms is enough for a couple to avert a full-blown manic or depressive episode because together you can take steps to change the course.

4. Abide by Some Rules

My husband and I have several rules: I call the doctor after three days of incessant crying or no sleep. I tell him when I’m suicidal. He stays with me when I’m a danger to myself. However, the most important rule is this: I have promised him that I will take my meds. It’s like how Jack Nicholson told Helen Hunt in the movie “As Good As It Gets” that she makes him want to take his meds, she “makes him want to be a better man.” The truth is that many marriages get stuck on this one.

Without a doubt, the biggest challenge we face in treating bipolar disorder is medical adherence, according to psychologist Kay Redfield Jamison. “I’d like to make the obvious point that I don’t think is made enough, which is that it doesn’t do any good to have effective medications for an illness if people don’t take them,” she said at the Johns Hopkins 21st Annual Mood Disorders Symposium. Approximately 40 – 45 percent of bipolar patients do not take their medications as prescribed. Come up with some rules, and be sure to include in there “medication adherence.”

5. Learn the Language of the Illness

Sometimes I forget how hurtful my words can be when I’m expressing how anxious or depressed I feel. “I just want to be dead.” “I don’t care about anything.” “If only I was diagnosed with cancer and could make a graceful exodus out of this world …” Oh, no offense. Thankfully my husband knows that it’s my depression speaking, not me. He has been able to separate his wife from the illness. That is the result of lots of research on his part and a few conversations with my psychiatrist.

6. Keep Yourself Sane

Spouses of persons with depression and bipolar unwittingly become caretakers for major chunks of time. And caretakers are at high risk for depression and anxiety. Researchers at Yale University School of Medicine have found that nearly one-third of caregivers who are nursing terminally ill loved ones at home suffer from depression. A study in Great Britain found that one in four family caregivers meets the clinical criteria for anxiety.

Pay attention to these symptoms: feeling tired and burned out much of the time; physical signs of stress such as headaches and nausea; irritability; feeling down, deflated, reduced; changes in sleep or appetite; resentment toward your spouse; decreased intimacy in your relationship. Remember that if you don’t secure your oxygen mask first, no one gets air. If my husband didn’t take time to run and play golf he would be hospitalized alongside me.

From

http://psychcentral.com/blog

Article Link :

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/05/13/being-married-to-a-person-with-depression-or-bipolar-6-survival-tips/