By Michelle
Roberts
Reprinted with permission from bp Magazine, Winter 2007
Daniel Williams, a
computer software engineer in Portland, Oregon, was used to solving complicated
problems.
But when his wife,
Julie, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2001, he didn’t know what to do.
Her moods could be described in two ways: So irate she would scream obscenities
at him, or so depressed she could barely get out of bed. “It was pretty hard,”
he recalls. “Of all the problems I thought we’d encounter during our marriage,
mental illness wasn’t something I’d ever considered.”
The erratic
behavior of a person in the throes of mania or depression can shake the
foundation of a marriage. The diagnosis of a lifelong, life-threatening illness
can scare a spouse away. Of course, no marriage or long-term partnership is
easy. In the United States and Canada, at least 40 percent of all marriages
fail. But the statistics for marriages involving a person who has bipolar
disorder are especially sobering—an estimated 90 percent of these end in
divorce, according to a November 2003 article, “Managing Bipolar Disorder,” in Psychology
Today.
Despite these odds,
bp Magazine has located and spoken with several long term couples facing
bipolar issues who nonetheless are making it work. They all admit that their
partnerships have been rocky at times, but that with counseling, love, and
acceptance of the illness, they have not only stayed together, but have also
grown stronger as a couple.
For example,
Daniel—amid the cacophony and confusion of Julie’s ever-changing moods—made a
decision that would save his now 24-year marriage. Instead of seeing his
relationship with Julie as “something I would have to write off and cut my
losses,” he decided to view his continued support of her as “an investment in
something worthwhile.”
When the symptoms
of mental illness first begin to surface, most spouses don’t know what to
think. They’re confused and feel like they’re drowning in chaos. “I was afraid
I’d never [again] see the man I’d fallen in love with,” says Laurie Wildman, of
San Antonio, Texas, whose husband, Michael (nicknamed Doug), was hospitalized
with his first bipolar episode in 1998.
WHEN SYMPATHY’S NOT ENOUGH
Following a
diagnosis, the first and most dominant response from a spouse usually is
sympathy, says David A. Karp, professor of sociology at Boston College and
author of The Burden of Sympathy: How Families Cope with Mental
Illness (Oxford University Press, 2002). “But further down the road, a
spouse may experience emotions they don’t think they should be having—anger,
frustration, and even hate.”
Indeed, caring for
someone who has a mental illness can be more draining than caring for someone
with cancer, says Dr. Karp. When a spouse does something for a mate with a
physical illness, they are usually met with gratitude. People who have bipolar
disorder, on the other hand, often deny the diagnosis, are unwilling to comply
with medication, and—worst of all— treat one’s spouse like the enemy.
Laurie recalls the
pain she felt when her husband, convinced he could control the “thunder” with
his thoughts, screamed angrily at her for having him hospitalized. “For a few
days,” she says, “he wouldn’t even see me.”
If a spouse can
move through these times, he or she will reach a place of acceptance, Dr. Karp
maintains. Those difficult emotions will then be replaced with softer feelings
like love and compassion. Of course, this kind of transformation requires redefining
spousal expectations and also redrawing the picture of what they had once
thought life would look like.
For some couples,
that may mean having to rely on only one income, going without annual
vacations, or choosing not to start a family. For others, it may mean that many
of the responsibilities of daily life fall on the well partner.
Exhausted with the
demands of raising children and caring for her husband, Laurie says she yearned
for the day when “someone would take care of me instead of the other way
around.” She has had to accept that it’s okay if her life looks different than
she once imagined. “You just need to accept that it is a loss,” she says. “That
doesn’t mean you can’t still have a good life, just maybe not the one you’d
envisioned."
SHARING RESPONSIBILITY
Couples who seem to
have the most success share the belief that the partner with bipolar disorder
has an equal responsibility in the relationship with the well spouse. Most
people embrace the idea that bipolar disorder is biological. If so, partners
wonder: “Does my mate have any control over his or her personal behavior? Do
they shoulder some responsibility to help themselves?”
The answer is “yes”
on both counts, according to Dr. Karp. Although extremely manic or depressed
individuals may be temporarily unable to help themselves, it’s important that
they remain self-sufficient during periods of wellness. In cases where one
partner has bipolar and the marriage ends, it’s usually because the healthy
spouse feels he or she has done everything they can to help the other person
become well. They have given unconditional love, scheduled counseling
appointments, and monitored medications, but nothing has made the situation any
better.
“As much as it’s a
biomedical condition, people with mental illnesses can’t be let completely off
the hook,” says Dr. Karp, who himself has major depression. “Of course, we
can’t expect them to pull themselves up by their bootstraps when they’re
acutely ill, but during periods of wellness they owe it to their spouses to do
whatever is in their power to help themselves.”
This can be as
simple as taking medications, working out regularly, or eating healthy. Without
such actions, spouses can feel burned out if there’s “no reciprocation of their
efforts,” Dr. Karp says.
Julie says it’s
easy for her to become “very selfish” when she’s either manic or depressed. At
one point, Daniel sat her down and told her, “I need you to pay attention to
what’s going on here.” “It was a real wake-up call,” she says. “It hurt at
first to know I was hurting him, but it made me realize that I had a
responsibility to him and our marriage, not just to myself.”
Mark Karppinen, who
lives in Ontario and has bipolar, says he sometimes worries about the burden
his illness places on Jody, his wife of one year. Taking care of himself, he
says, is like investing in his marriage.
“I don’t drink,
smoke, or take drugs,” says Mark, who admits he has struggled with all those
things in the past. “I exercise regularly, eat right, and study hard,” he says.
“I’m doing these things not only for myself, but also for Jody. I don’t want
her to ever feel like I’m not working as hard as I can to stay well.”
THINKING AHEAD
Rather than fearing
the future, successful couples say they have used periods of wellness to prepare
for episodes that may lie ahead. In the grip of mania, a person who has bipolar
can easily wipe out joint checking and savings accounts. Without a second
thought, they may leave the family with no money for groceries, let alone a
mortgage payment.
Our couples suggest
opening up accounts in the well spouse’s name for all expenses. Some couples
also agree to give power of attorney or extend other means of limited control
to the Well spouse—this for occasions when the spouse with bipolar is ill.
It’s also helpful
to write down in advance a list of symptoms the spouse with bipolar exhibits
when on the cusp of a manic or depressive episode. This way, both spouses can
agree at what point to seek help for the spouse who has bipolar. With this
approach, emotions are taken out of the equation, if and when the spouse with
bipolar refuses help later on.
Partners become
very good at identifying their mate’s symptoms. Often they can help the spouse
seek help before the mania or depression spirals out of control. It’s also
helpful if a couple designs a “road map for what to do,” according to Dr. Karp,
when those symptoms appear. “It helps diffuse any anger or guilt that may come
up when difficult decisions, such as hospitalization, are made,” Dr. Karp says.
“It’s a plan that empowers both people in the relationship.”
BURDENS AND BOUNDARIES
Many spouses
struggle with how to honor their commitment to help the person they love,
without becoming engulfed in the spouse’s misery or mania. When a person is
acutely ill, it may become necessary for the well spouse to take the other to
physician appointments, make certain the person is taking his or her
medication, even watch over the individual for safety. All this is in addition
to taking over all the other household duties, such as paying bills or caring
for children.
Often, caregivers’
relationships with other family members begin to suffer. They may begin to feel
like their own identities are being buried—they are losing themselves or
jeopardizing their own health.
“I do feel both
afraid and burdened from time to time,” Laurie says. “In the midst of everyday
deadlines and my personal issues, I have had to stop and deal with [my husband]
going through mania or depression. It’s very hard.”
Spouses must learn
to draw a boundary line, or risk losing themselves, Dr. Karp says. But it
likely won’t be a permanent marked boundary. Wherever they draw the line, “the
unpredictable winds of mental illness come in and blow it away,” Dr. Karp
explains. As a result, “people have to keep redrawing the boundaries.”
Furthermore, Dr.
Karp argues that sometimes people have to do the emotionally counterintuitive
thing and withdraw. It may sound harsh, but it’s healthy. Spouses, he says,
must learn to take care of themselves before they can take care of others.
Laurie has learned
to put herself through school, something her husband, Doug, wasn’t always able
to support. Manic and angry, Doug announced he wouldn’t attend her college
graduation.
“I was determined
not to let anything or anyone ruin that day—it was mine and I didn’t deserve to
have it taken away just because my husband has an illness,” she says. “He ended
up going after all, and I love him for that.”
Now, she is working
toward a master’s degree.
“It’s important
that I feel like my life can continue to move forward, even when my husband is
struggling.”
Laurie and Doug
It rained the day
Doug and Laurie Wildman were married 25 years ago. Doug’s mother said it was a
sign of good luck. It rained again the day their first child was born,
convincing the couple that the superstition was true.
But it also rained
the day eight years ago when psychiatrists wrapped Doug in a straight jacket
and told Laurie she needed to commit him to a psychiatric hospital. Laurie,
shaken and unsure of everything she thought she knew about her life and
marriage, recalls, “I’ll never forget watching them drive away with Doug. He
was screaming and strapped to the gurney. I felt like I’d stepped into a
different world.”
The Wildmans, of
San Antonio, Texas, had been married for 18 years and had four children, ages
10, 12, 13, and 16, when Doug had his first psychotic episode in 1998. Doug, a
manager at a municipal water and sanitation plant for nearly two decades, had
always been a loving, stable provider. It was terrifying, Laurie remembers, to
see him so out-of control, speaking incoherently, and insisting he was God.
“I felt like I had
just been led into a very dark place and, quite honestly, I didn’t think he or
I would ever find our way out,” says Laurie, a teacher. When Doug’s
psychiatrist told Laurie that Doug had been diagnosed as having bipolar
disorder, she remembers asking, “‘What is that?’ I didn’t have a clue—had never
heard of it before in my life,” she says. “I went home, got on the Internet and
cried as I read about it. I thought it was something he would never recover
from.”
Doug was in the
hospital for nearly two weeks. After being stabilized on medication and seeing
glimpses of Doug’s old personality, Laurie says she began to feel hope. Still,
she found she was left with most of the responsibilities of their life
together—from caring for the children to paying the bills. Even though she
loved Doug, she still felt burdened.
“I had to seek
counseling for myself after my husband’s second hospitalization because I felt
cheated somehow,” she says. “I felt overburdened with having to make certain
decisions on my own and feeling that I had to act a certain way.”
For a long time, it
was difficult for Laurie and Doug to talk about anything except Doug’s illness.
But as time passed, both learned to step back and enjoy the periods in which
Doug is stable. Laurie says she has attended bipolar support groups with him,
but not on a regular basis. “I don’t want him to feel like I’m constantly
watching over him … that he [can] build his own networking system.”
At the same time,
Doug says he feels reassured by Laurie’s presence in his life. “I don’t expect
Laurie to hold my hand, but at certain times my mind is not completely there
and it’s great to know that she stands by my side in the event I need her.”
Last summer, Doug
was hospitalized a third time. Laurie says she seriously considered leaving
him. Not because he was ill, but because she didn’t believe he was doing all
that was in his own power to get better. “I thought, if he’s not going to make
that extra effort to help himself, then I don’t have to stay,” she says. “I
love him, but I just didn’t feel that that was my responsibility anymore. I’m
giving myself that choice.”
Doug says his
wife’s resolve to take care of herself made him want to get better. “It made me
see that she’s not just sticking around because she feels sorry for me,” he
says. “She can step away from it.”
Since his release
three and a half months ago, Doug has never done better. Both he and Laurie
have quit smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol. They also began counseling
for couples and joined a gym, where they work out at least three times a week.
Laurie says she
feels more confident about her marriage than she has in years. Still, she knows
that despite their many years together, she and Doug still take it day by day.
“His caseworker asked me during his last hospitalization if I was ever afraid,”
she says. “I’d be a liar if I said no. I’m always afraid that another episode
is possible. Mostly, though, I’m afraid of what I would do without him.”
Jody and Mark
Mark Karppinen was
afraid totell his new girlfriend that hesuffers from bipolar disorder.But just
two weeks afterhe started dating Jody, the woman whowould become his wife, he
mustered hiscourage and “just went for it.”
“I was nervous and
pretty much afraid that that might be it,” says Mark, 37, who recently got a
job as an addiction counselor for the Social Rehabilitation Program of the
Canadian Mental Health Association. “Based on past experience, I would meet
somebody and start liking them, spend some time with them,” he says. “Then
they’d find out I have bipolar and they’d split.”
But Jody, 46,
didn’t flinch. “I’m pretty open-minded,” she says, adding that she’d already
looked past Mark’s earring, tattoos, and wild way of dressing. “I decided not
to judge a book by its cover.”
During the three
years they’ve been together, Mark has showed only mild symptoms of mania or
depression. He attributes this to the fact that his and Jody’s primary focus as
a couple is their mutual and personal wellness.
The couple, who
live in Ontario, exercise daily at the gym and eat only natural foods. They
also get plenty of sleep and have cut out all alcohol and cigarettes. Mark’s
illness has become a secondary issue to the benefits they both get from living
a healthy lifestyle.
“We just focus on
that—wellness,” Jody says. “Wellness of mind, body, and spirit.” That doesn’t
mean it’s always easy. There are times when Mark suffers from anxiety, as when
he was interviewing for his current job. Mark says he felt comfortable talking
to Jody about it, but then she “gave me my space when I needed it and rest when
I needed it.
“I believe Jody
made a point not to argue with me, as she felt that would be pointless when I
was hypomanic,” he recalls. “In other words, she backed down. She may have lost
the battle, but in the end [she] won the war because the situation wasn’t
escalated out of control.”
Mark says that part
of his commitment to Jody entails doing everything he can to stay well. “From
my end, I slept when I needed and disciplined myself to get up when I felt I
should,” he says. “I also saw my doctor and had him tweak my medication to suit
my needs at the time.”
The couple recently
celebrated their first wedding anniversary.
“It does occur to
me that I could get ill—manic, depressed, or hypomanic for an extended period
of time— [and] that could cause problems in my marriage,” Mark says. “However,
I have a good understanding of my condition and take excellent care of myself
today, perhaps better than some who do not have bipolar.”
Mark attributes his
wellness in recent years to the love that he and Jody share. “I would have a
much more difficult time without her,” he says. “She gives me a reason to work
my hardest and to overcome this illness.”
Julie and Daniel
Daniel Williams,
49, admits he’s never been one of those touchy-feely kind of guys. When it
comes to expressing his feelings, he’d usually rather not.
But a few years
ago, that changed. Daniel’s wife, Julie Williams, 47, who has bipolar disorder,
was lost in a depressive state. And Daniel, after months of frustration and
fear, finally decided to speak his truth.
“I had to tell her,
‘I’ve been cutting you a lot of slack lately, but I’m suffering in this
relationship,’” Daniel recalls telling Julie. “I’ve kept this inside for a long
time, but I’m dying on the vine here.”
The Portland,
Oregon, couple have faced many challenges since Julie began showing symptoms of
bipolar disorder more than a decade ago. She was diagnosed in 2001 after
several years of unsuccessful treatment for anxiety and depression. But even
with proper treatment, Julie still struggles—often finding herself stuck in
either a hypomanic state—chatty, hyper, and angry— or a depression that zaps
her energy and makes it difficult for her to get out of bed.
“The first couple
of times Daniel told me my illness was hurting him, it would make me feel
really guilty,” Julie says, “like I was a bad person, a complete screw-up. But
as I gained more insight into the disorder—therapy, talking about it, and
living right—I was able to take it in better.”
Julie attributes
the continued success of her and Daniel’s 24-year marriage to her husband’s
newfound voice. “It’s important that the person who doesn’t have the illness
feels that they can express their feelings, too,” Julie says. “Mental illness
can make you very selfish without [your] even realizing it.”
One of the most
important things the Williamses have learned is to recognize the symptoms of
Julie’s illness and respond to them clinically, rather than emotionally. For
example, Daniel tries not to internalize the hurtful things Julie often says
while in a hypomanic state. Julie, on the other hand, tries to forgive herself
when she does. “When I become really, really, really vicious, he gets his
feelings hurt,” she says. “Then he expresses that to me. Then I feel just like
the worst person on the planet.”
The truth of her
husband’s heart shines through when “he’s the one who’s hurt, but he turns and
comforts me, because Daniel knows I hate myself when I hurt someone’s
feelings.”
Daniel says his and
Julie’s communication skills are still evolving. “I don’t want it to sound like
I’m some kind of saint or something,” he says. “The first few times I told her
how I was feeling were not pretty. I wasn’t a happy camper. But I soon realized
that getting all angry and worked up was not going to solve the situation. It’s
just going to make Julie suck it up and act like it’s better, when it’s not. I
didn’t want that, either.”
Julie says she
still has to work at not instantly turning to guilt and self-loathing when
Daniel expresses his needs. “Now, Daniel can say something to me and I listen,”
she says. “I’m not saying I won’t feel bad, but I don’t have a complete
breakdown. I tell myself, ‘It’s not your fault. You’re not doing this because
you’re a bad person. Daniel is just saying that to you because he’s a real
person with real needs, too.’ I talk myself through it and I’m okay.”
Rather than focus
on the illness and what separates them, the Williamses say they have learned to
focus on what they share—their three cats, their love of the Oregon Symphony,
long walks in the woods behind their home.
“The real bottom
line is you have to decide that you want this relationship to work,” Daniel
says. “You start looking for ways to make it work.”
Michelle
Roberts is a freelance writer based in Portland, Oregon. A recipient of a
2004–05 Rosalynn Carter Fellowship for Mental Health Journalism, she
specializes in mental health and family issues.
SOUND OFF!
Maintaining a
long-term relationship or marriage when one partner has bipolar disorder is a
challenge. Many couples make it work. How have you succeeded in your loving
relationship? Our readers reply:
My wife and
I have been married for seven years.
She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder I in her late teens. The success in our
marriage comes from love, trust, and support. We do not let bipolar disorder run
the relationship.
Instead, we set up
red flags that we respond to immediately when they are seen. We keep to our
daily routines, and at the same time, live every day to its fullest.
–Carl
Siegel, Brooklyn, NY
I met Bob at
a mental health day program in 2002.
During our recovery from bipolardisorders, we fell in love and married. What
worksfor us?
Organization!
This means a
common, color-coded appointment calendar; charts for meal planning and
recording bills; files for insurance paperwork, pharmacy receipts, and hospital
records; weekly pill keepers; and clearly-outlined advanced directives for
crisis situations. As a team, we depend on this married-life routine for
balance and greater control over stressful ups and downs!
–Lisa
Whelan, Bradenton,
FL
I was
misdiagnosed until my 33rd year
of life. I was married to a wonderful man, but our relationship was strained
all of those years because of my illness—only we didn’t know I had an
illness.
We divorced, but
remained good friends. I ended up engaged to a man I didn’t love and last year,
following a suicide attempt, my ex-husband took me back in and helped me get
better.
We are now
remarried. I’m as stable as I’ve ever been and life is good and comfortable. It
took a very long time and much heartache to get here.
–A. T.,
Houston, TX
While
communication is a vital asset to any
healthy relationship, personal responsibility seems to be as important.
My mood swings are
just that: mine, and I am solely responsible for managing them. I ask my
partner for compassion, but I never ask her to lower her expectations of me
because I have bipolar.
Recovery is my
lifestyle, not an end in itself, and as long as I work toward wellness, my
partner works with me.
–Steve Morgan,
Windsor, VT
If you are
dating someone new and you already
have the diagnosis of bipolar disorder, tell the other of your diagnosis. At
the same time, give him or her supportive information and facts on this
disorder.
Some may choose to
stay with you and get outside support. The ones who choose not to stay, well,
don’t blame them because they are being honest with themselves that they can’t
handle such a major illness. I learned that from experience.
–Eileen
Marshall, New Westminster, British Columbia
If I had had
a loving spouse who would have
taken me to the doctor to find out what was wrong with me, I might still be
married to him today. But for him, it was just easier to leave our 10-year
marriage than to work on it or find out what was wrong with me.
–Becca
Enyard, Oak Harbor, WA
One thing to
make sure of is that you have a
well-informed spouse. Without them knowing about what’s different about you,
it’s very hard for them to live with you. As all do, I have my good and bad
days, but the goal is to have more good than bad! I love my wife!
–Joe
Giordano, Dallas, GA
My husband
and I have been married for more
than eight years and calling the bipolar disorders that my son and I have a
“challenge” is very much an understatement. We are sponges when it comes to
education and tips that can be helpful to our situation.
The most important
key is to have a very open and nonjudgmental line of communication among all of
us. We know that it will probably never be easy and the word “normal” is out of
the question, but through our deeply committed love and most importantly, Our
Heavenly Father, all things are possible.
–Brooke
Chris, Westfield, IN
I have been
married to my wonderful husband for
six years. Yes, it has its challenges with him being bipolar and going through
his ups and downs, which we both go
through.
I’m always there to
listen or help to take care of him when he’s down. Sometimes bipolar is hard to
live with when you are the spouse, and I know it is hard on my husband and
other people. With all of that, we make it work and love each other and I know
that he is a loving and caring husband and father.
–C. H.,
Philadelphia, PA
I must start
off by saying that God has had a
big part in the success of our marriage. In December, my husband and I will be
married 21 years. My bipolar didn’t get really bad until my second child was
born 17 years
ago.
I asked my husband
how we’ve managed to stay married for so long, and he said through lots of
communication and patience. My husband is a very special person. He is the most
unselfish person I have ever met. He has learned over the years to separate who
I am as a person from my
illness.
If you don’t
separate the two it’s very hard to cope and easy to take everything to heart.
So many times my illness has been harsh and out of control, but he knows that
is not who I really am. My husband looks at it no differently than if I had
cancer or
diabetes.
We take very
seriously our vows of “in sickness or in health.” It took him a long time to
realize he couldn’t fix it, but when he did, it was easier for him to cope.
When I am feeling well or functioning better, I am able to show him a lot more
of myself and how much I love him. He appreciates those times.
–Laura
Geiger, Colorado Springs, CO
My husband
and I initially tried to make our
relationship work after the bipolar diagnosis. I guess the pressure got the
best of him. He didn’t try to understand the disorder, and was unable to cope
with the mood
swings.
He left me July 23,
and filed for divorce on August 9, while I was in the hospital after a failed
suicide attempt. We are still in the process of the divorce. My loving family,
however, has been reading and educating themselves to speed up my recovery. So
you can say my relationship with my family is now more successful!
–H. S.,
Uniontown, OH
Education ... I take my boyfriend to every support group I belong
to. It’s cheap and he can better understand what I’m going through when he
hears it from someone else, rather than me ranting and
raving.
I also take him
with me to see my therapist to better understand what goes through my head and
why I think the way I do. Also, since my body is sensitive to my meds, my
therapist explains why it’s so important that I am on them.
–Deana
Mancini, Drexel Hill, PA
Long-term
relationships, especially
marriages, are often difficult under the most ideal circumstances. Anyone
living with bipolar disorder (either themselves or their spouse) can attest to
the fact that it adds a level of tension and a lack of predictability, which
most would find
trying.
For a relationship
to be successful, both spouses must have a strong understanding of the illness
as well as which moods/ actions/thoughts are due to the disorder, and which are
just part of
life.
It is also very
important that spouses of those who have bipolar not internalize outbursts and
rage, and understand these outbursts and rage are not their fault or even
necessarily directed at them.
At the same time,
the person who has bipolar must make every attempt to be respectful of and kind
to his or her spouse. It is a serious illness, but we cannot allow it to
dominate our lives, or become an excuse for poor behavior. Education,
communication, and understanding are essential for a healthy relationship.
–N. B.,
Houston, TX
My husband
and I learned about bipolar
disorder together and made it a top priority to educate ourselves as much as
possible. We chart my moods together each day and he knows enough to be able to
help if he notices any drastic change in how I’m acting. It takes patience, but
with education and communication, it can definitely be a happy and successful
relationship.
–B. C.,
Houghton, MI
Nothing
positive here. She is afraid of
me, and I have done nothing wrong. I am more up than down, but the down is
scary for
her.
My last name is
Stagg, and I think that is the way that I am going to be for the rest of my
life: “stag.”
–M. S.,
Ellicott City, MD
“Not very
well: one divorce and now in my
second marriage, a separation,” is my response. When a loved one loses himself
in your illness, that is, when it goes from support to a point where they might
not be able to get free, the only recourse they see is to leave.
Only by good
communication and counseling could you head off a bad ending to a good
relationship.
–Thomas
Wilcenski, Pewaukee, WI
For the past
three years, my boyfriend and
I have had a long-distance relationship that has worked wonderfully. My poor
interpersonal and relational skills don’t seem to get in the way. We are now
temporarily living together, and I hope it continues to work. As far as
marriage, I have not figured that one out yet.
–T. J. G.,
Hudson, NH
My husband
and I are both Scorpios. We get at
each other’s throats now and then, but we maintain a healthy relationship by
amazing understanding, excellent communication, and extra
love.
Our love is so
profound and real, it outweighs all obstacles. I love him dearly, and to me he
is a dream come true. I couldn’t have chosen a more wonderful man.
–Dominique
Higgins, Chicago, IL
